ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
