The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
