I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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