we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
