how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
