were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
