she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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