your thong is hanging out like whoa
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
