Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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