Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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