I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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