Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
