So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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