Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Randomize
