omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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