Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
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You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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