You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
