i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
