Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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