I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
