Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
