wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
