She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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