two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
