I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
