Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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