3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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