I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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