She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
