My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
