It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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