dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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