Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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