I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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