Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
