Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My ass is underappreciated
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
