She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We left the knife in your bed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
