perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
