There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
