They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
