Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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