i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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