I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
