I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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