i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
