Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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