you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
