I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
