I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
