No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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