Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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