just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
