DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
