I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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