if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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