I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
