Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
