Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
