I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
