pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He has the fingertips of a God
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