so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
