Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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