thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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