I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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