We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
