i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
