He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
