He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
