the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
