3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
