Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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