it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize