Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
