Too much gin, very little bucket
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
